Walking through Quicksand
February 1, 2022
A Dance with an Imposter
Every six months or so it happens like clockwork; the confidence tank starts to run out of fuel and, next thing I know, I’m running on fumes.
Oh, hello there Fear. Nice to see you, Anxiety. It’s been far too long since we last spoke, Imposter Syndrome.
By now the cycle has happened enough times to know that it’s just a phase; an unpleasant chapter, but it’s draining nonetheless. Each dance with Imposter Syndrome feels like I’m moving through quicksand. I’m still doing, still achieving, still taking steps toward the goal, but each step is labored. Each step is weighed down by doubt, worry, and over-analyzing. “Why am I doing this?”, “who do I think I am?”, “who is to say that I am the one that’s meant to be doing this?” This chapter is just riddled with time-wasting, energy-draining activities that keep me from living a full life.
I’m grateful for my village though. The people (shoutout to you, Mom) that constantly pour into me to help me fill my tank when needed. They remind me who I am, whose I am, and that I am called to do this work and that my journey is predestined. All I have to do is keep going. Simple enough, right?
Imposter Syndrome is real and it disproportionately affects minorities and women. It’s the little nagging voice in your head that tells you that you can’t do something or that someone else is better than you so you shouldn’t bother trying. It doesn’t matter how accomplished you are (my village will quickly rundown my resume 😂), or how many accolades you’ve received, somewhere on the inside you still feel inadequate.
For me, it used to be paralyzing. Now it’s just mildly disabling. I’m a little slower to act and end up spinning in circles more, but, after a few weeks I’m back to kicking ass and taking names — just like I should be.
Have you ever dealt with Imposter Syndrome? What do you usually do to fight it?